I have been struggling with the right words for this post for the last few days. If you don’t remember, I am engaged and was supposed to be getting married here in a few weeks. However, the Universe had something else in mind. Due to COVID-19, we had to postpone our big day.
I’ll rewind a bit to provide a little context.
When my fiancé and I got engaged last year, the stereotypical wants were reversed; I wanted a small ceremony which really could have been a simple elopement and he wanted the big wedding. Weddings can be one of the most expensive events in a couple’s life (outside of purchasing a home). Knowing that, I was turned off by the idea and was really pushing for something simple since we would be paying for it all ourselves.
At that point, my fiancé yet again shined as the great man that he is and reminded me of what was most important and what I would care about 10, 20, 30+ years from now. He said “you would regret not getting dolled up, have your Dad walk you down the isle, sharing those special moments with him, celebrating our love in a big way, and just throwing a kick-ass party!” And you know, he was absolutely right. I can very easily get caught up in the logistics of things and miss out on the bigger picture. Who cares about the money, who cares about the planning, who cares about any of that. Yes, he lit up a flame in my heart that burned and it lit up my spirit. Another reason why I love this man – he knows me so well and can see right through my overly-analytical ways.
So, we began wedding planning (truthfully, I planned). We picked a date during our favorite time of year and I found the most perfect wedding dress! We booked the venue, flowers, hair, makeup, hotel, honeymoon, DJ and MC, selected our menu, ordered decor, hired a wedding planner (a friend from HS giving me the hookup lol), booked the cake maker, booked the best photographer and videographer we could hope for, and so on. We spent hours planning for the absolute perfect day.
March 12, 2020 – we were sent home to stay-in-place. We laughed at the extremities of being quarantined and said “this will be over in two weeks, MAX!” Man, were we wrong! The weeks kept passing by like cars on a highway. I blinked and it’s been six weeks. And let me tell you, these last six weeks have burrowed a hole to my soul (not only due to the fear of possibly not being able to have our wedding).
Let me preface this one – I am extremely grateful to have a job right now! I have a career that allows me to work remotely and pays well to support our needs. My fiancé is also in the same boat. We are so very grateful that our jobs were not affected by this unprecedented event. However, when I tell you that work has been stressful…it has been a total circus. My home office is upstairs and his is in the dining room on the second floor next to the kitchen. Each morning when I get my coffee to head up to the office, I say “I’m off to the circus, doot doot do du du doot….” Having a career in technology and in the news industry – I’m in a tsunami of work and it’s hard to keep my head above water most days. Any who, all of that to say, this does not help the other stress dealing with unknowns.
Back to the wedding – about three days ago, our venue called and said “we need to talk.” Ha – I think we’re all familiar with “we need to talk” and that the next words out of that person’s mouth is never something you want to hear. They said “we need for you to move your wedding date and there’s only one date left in 2020, so if you want it, we need for you two to make a decision in the next hour or else another bride will book it.” Let me tell you, thank God I am a planner by nature so I already had options 1 – 18 ready to go when it came to backup plans! Though I was prepared for this conversation, I could not hold back the tears building up in my eyes. It’s as though the last 4 – 6 weeks of unknowns and uncertainty just released like the pressure from an instapot (if you don’t have one, GET ONE!). I thought to myself “you’re the one who didn’t even want the big wedding anyway, so why are you even upset!?” Typical harsh self-talk to get me to shape up! And the truth is, after planning all of the details of the day, I was honestly looking forward to the moment and the experience of it all. The venue is not handing out refunds, so that also is a major blow! “Hey, we need you to move your date, you have an hour to decide, this is the only date in 2020 so take it or leave it and if you cancel all together, you don’t get a refund!” I’m sorry….WHAT!
Anyways, the takeaway here is that it’s not the end of the freaking world. These types of events are always completely unknown and can never be planned for!
The truth is that I could never live with myself if someone got sick from my wedding. You will never find a selfish bone in my body when it comes to something like this. I am not a bridezilla, by no sense of the word, and I will never expect others to sacrifice their own happiness for me. I allow everyone to make their own choices without any blowback, but this decision was a no-brainer.
We decided to push our date and I am completely satisfied with this decision (way more than I thought I would be). We know that it is not worth the bigger picture and we certainly don’t want anyone uncomfortable on our wedding day. I certainly don’t want my heart to drop each time someone coughs or sneezes. The only thing I want to cause my heart to drop is the sight of my future husband from down the aisle. I cannot wait for him to put on my wedding band and address me as Mrs. for the first time.
There are bigger issues in the world than having a wedding and so what it’s not going to happen exactly as we planned. All things worth having take time and we have the rest of our lives to laugh about this speed bump. None of this changes the love that I have for that man and nothing can ruin that.
To all you soon-to-be brides out there, please take yourself out of the weeds and look at the big picture. What will matter a year, 5 years, 10 years, 50 years from now? Grow from this obstacle and focus on what really matters! Get creative with your new plans (we certainly are – I’ll share in another post). The delay gives you time to make new decisions, change things up, enjoy more time being engaged. There is so much good that can come out of this, just keep your head up and don’t let emotion get the better of you.
Take it with grace!